Posts Tagged ‘Facebook’

I had a really nice post scheduled for today, but I’m going to interrupt our regular programming to provide my readers with an important public service announcement:

If you talk on your cell phone while you are in the bathroom using the facilities, I.will.judge.you.  If you talk on your cell phone while I am in the bathroom and using the facilities, I will spend the entire time thinking of ways to embarrass you.  If I have to flush the toilet 3 times in a row and listen to you repeatedly say, “Hello?  One sec.  Hang on, I can’t hear you,” I will do that until you leave.

You are probably one of those people who posts inane facebook status updates because you mistakenly think that the whole world cares about your life.  This is probably news for you since you are so privacy-challenged, but I don’t want whatever stranger that you are talking to listening to me pee.   Hang up your phone!  I am categorizing this post under “social justice” because it is my right to pee in privacy.

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Do you remember when to have a Facebook account you had to be in college?

Facebook came out my freshman year of college.  This was an idyllic time when everyone would go to parties and do crazy things.  The next morning (afternoon) we would stumble to the cafeteria for breakfast (lunch) and then check out Facebook, busily un-tagging all of the unflattering photos that were taken the night before.

During this halcyon era you could travel to Morocco in your semester abroad and have people tag photos of you smoking hookah without worrying that your future employer would assume it was weed and you wouldn’t get a security clearance.  You could put up status updates that included swear words and have profile pictures that involved you holding red Dixie cups.

Now, my mother is on Facebook.  My grandmother is on Facebook.  My boss is on Facebook.  My cousin’s 12 year old son is on Facebook (and he is flirting inappropriately with girls!).  Everything has to be so censored that it’s become a glorified photo sharing website.  I’m sick of Facebook and the way they constantly make internal changes to their privacy settings, trying to force you to tell complete strangers your relationship status and where you work.  I miss those days of Dixie cups and weekend trips to Morocco.

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