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I suffer from anxiety.  I don’t just have anxiety – I suffer from it.  In the past I have taken medicine to help control my anxiety, but currently I’m wandering around au naturale – I’m like an organic crazy person.  Being on anxiety medication actually caused me to have anxiety; I was disturbed by the fact that it was a Class C drug and I could accidentally get pregnant and have a flipper baby.

People who don’t have anxiety confuse it with normal worry and stress.  For instance, my job is very stressful, and I often come home from work very tense.  In fact, I wake up a few times a night thinking about work.  It’s as though even while sleeping my mind is gnawing on my work problems and will periodically wake me up because that demented corner of my psyche that never sleeps has just realized something that I should remember to do tomorrow.   My husband confuses my inability to relax with everyday stress and tells me to just leave work at work, but it’s not that simple for me.  My mind races and I physically feel different in my viscera – it’s a feeling in my throat and my chest and my belly.  If I could “just leave work at work”, believe me: I would do it.

I’m telling you this because if you feel tense, you should really consider adopting a religion.  I’m hanging onto sanity by my fingernails and I think I maintain that precarious perch through medication or religion.  I was not religious until I was 18, so I have a good basis for comparison.  To my way of thinking, it doesn’t even matter if there is a God.  So what if religion is a fantasy that people use as a crutch or a coping mechanism?  If you’re coping, I say forget reality.  And if there actually is a God, so much the better.

I’ve been doing an extensive study on a bible verse relating to anxiety this week and I’ve discovered a few things that have been helping me to get off that merry-go-round of compulsive thinking.  My biggest hope tonight is that if you also suffer from craziness, you will find some relief in science or religion or love.

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